back to basics

The Baptism of the Holy Spirit

2010-02-01T00:55:00.002+08:00

i'm writing this in response to a brief conversation with a group of friends. i will attempt to put forward my understanding on the baptism of the Holy Spirit. my belief is based on what i have read in books, heard from people and most importantly studied from the Bible. it is not the final word and i am not a scholar of the Bible, so feel free to comment and leave your thoughts and counterarguments. (i also apologise for the messy thoughts and long introduction, i have tried my best to sort out as best as i can, but my talent is clearly in engineering and not writing)

i believe that salvation, the baptism of the Holy Spirit and the filling of the Holy Spirit are three separate events although they most certainly can come at the same time. salvation happens when a person is convicted by God to confess the truth that Jesus Christ is the son of God and that He died and rose again so that we may have eternal life as new creations in Christ. the baptism of the Holy Spirit is an event further to this, as we are promised by Jesus that the Holy Spirit will be given to us as power from on high. and the filling of the Holy Spirit is post-baptism of the Holy Spirit, when we are given renewed power to carry out our ministry.

as a preface i'd like to note that there are different expressions of the same baptism of the Holy Spirit in the Bible. Acts 10:44-48 help us understand that the phrases 'the Holy Spirit came/fell on all', 'Holy Spirit poured out on', and 'baptism of the Holy Spirit' are synonymous.

Acts 10:44-48 While Peter was still speaking these words, the Holy Spirit came on all (KJV: fell on all) who heard the message. The circumcised believers who had come with Peter were astonished that the gift of the Holy Spirit had been poured out even on the Gentiles. For they heard them speaking in tongues and praising God. Then Peter said, "Can anyone keep these people from being baptized with water? They have received the Holy Spirit just as we have." So he ordered that they be baptized in the name of Jesus Christ. Then they asked Peter to stay with them for a few days.

so now, done with definitions and all, on to the topic proper.

one of the reasons why this is such an arguable topic is that in many instances, the baptism of the Holy Spirit comes immediately after the person is saved. but there are several instances in the Bible that have the baptism of the Holy Spirit happening at separate times from salvation.

most obviously, pentecost. the disciples were regenerated christians, as they waited for the day when Jesus would send the Holy Spirit to the disciples. it is unquestionable that if any of the disciples had died in those days, they would surely have gone to heaven (John 13:10 Jesus answered, "A person who has had a bath needs only to wash his feet; his whole body is clean. And you are clean, though not every one of you.") obviously this is so as they were believers and they believed that Jesus had redeemed them.

it can be argued that this was a one time event, and subsequently the Holy Spirit was given immediately to all who believe. one big argument is that the baptism of the Holy Spirit and salvation is a package deal; you cannot receive one without the other since the Godhead is a trinity. yet clearly in this instance we see that it can be separated, and while it is a package deal, they do not arrive in the same parcel.

how can someone can be baptised in the Holy Spirit without knowing it? if the disciples were told to wait until power came from on high, how can this 'power' be of an indefinite experience? if Paul can ask in Acts 19:2 the question "Did you receive the Holy Spirit when you believed?", it shows that the baptism of the Holy Spirit is a clear and distinctive event separate from believing.

continuing on from Acts 19:1-6, They answered, "No, we have not even heard that there is a Holy Spirit." So Paul asked, "Then what baptism did you receive?"/ "John's baptism," they replied. Paul said, "John's baptism was a baptism of repentance. He told the people to believe in the one coming after him, that is, in Jesus." On hearing this, they were baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. When Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them, and they spoke in tongues and prophesied. (NIV)

the group of believers were baptised into the name of the Lord Jesus. AND when Paul placed his hands on them, the Holy Spirit came on them. (the 'and' appears in KJV) distinctly separate from salvation.

in Acts 8, Peter and John were sent to some of Philip's converts (converted in verse 12), and they arrived some time later, and verse 15-17 reads "When they arrived, they prayed for them that they might receive the Holy Spirit, because the Holy Spirit had not yet come upon any of them; they had simply been baptized into the name of the Lord Jesus. Then laid they their hands on them, and they received the Holy Ghost. "

these verses make it clear to me that salvation and the baptism of the Holy Spirit are separate events. some confusion arises when we read verses like 1 Cor 12:13 "For by one Spirit are we all baptized into one body..." and we think, so if we are not baptized in the Holy Spirit are we not saved? perhaps the explanation is that in biblical times, all believers were prayed for to receive the baptism of the Holy Spirit as quickly as possible after salvation. (in Acts 8, after Philip converted the people, Peter and John were sent to lay hands on them.) and it is obvious why it was so important to receive these 2 together.

because the purpose of the baptism of the Holy Spirit is power. the empowerment to witness and conduct effective ministry. Acts 1:8 reads "But ye shall receive power, after that the Holy Ghost is come upon you: and ye shall be witnesses unto me both in Jerusalem, and in all Judaea, and in Samaria, and unto the uttermost part of the earth." every mention of the baptism of the Holy Spirit is followed by witnessing in power. 3000 people were saved on the very first outpouring of the Holy Spirit.

if the baptism of the Holy Spirit is this powerful, it is certainly most necessary for our christian journey. whether or not the baptism of the Holy Spirit is coupled with salvation becomes somewhat irrelevant; the question is are we baptized in the Holy Spirit? if the disciples were told to wait for power to come (despite having 3 years of hardcore training from Jesus himself), do we dare to do powerless ministry? is God dishonoured by powerless ministry?

i cannot wait for the day when we will finally understand the Word. but until then i pray that we keep seeking to know Him more, to live His truth and to be a testimony to the world. a powerful testimony as we seek His filling everyday. may we walk in the Spirit, be led by the Spirit, be taught by the Spirit, and as we start this week let us seek to experience the enriching of our life in Christ Jesus and wealthy in the things of God. may God give us abundantly from His infinite love, grace, wisdom and mercy. and let us be receptive to receive these gifts and grow in the knowledge of our Lord Jesus Christ. let's finally make time for God, the time we promised Him when we made our new year's resolutions.

technology takes over the world!!! aaah!!!

2010-01-17T02:52:00.005+08:00

ok, i cant sleep. so i shall let my brain type stuff. let us speculate on the future of technology, and it's integration with humankind. i suppose it's not a matter of if, but a matter of when technology will fuse with flesh and we become part machine.

there are already exoskeletons used by the military that are worn by soldiers, and it helps them carry much heavier loads. the speed of technology has always been rapid, and very soon they will have wearable suits that make a person faster, stronger.

but, that is physical. what about mental powers? we have managed to figure out what part of the brain is responsible for certain actions, emotions, etc. we have antidepressants that prevent neurons from firing in regions that make us sad. one day these things will be controlled by a microchip implanted in our brain, and at first it will be for the sick people, who have mental conditions. then normal people will have them as mini calculators, so that we can mentally compute stuff. then it will have memory space, for when we need extra brain power to remember stuff (and it will record emotion as well), then we will use it to make us high. we wouldnt need drugs since we can directly control our brain patterns electronically.

someone will put in the ability to communicate wirelessly. we won't need to talk, but send through our brains images, emotions, ideas. like telepathy. we will interact on a level beyond words and actions, and we'll bridge the language barrier. we can download stuff onto our brains, so we don't actually have to go to school.

and then we can be immortal, just clone our bodies, and transfer our brain files. we all become alike because we all know the same things. we become dull and not need interaction because we never feel lonely, we are always happy. and thennn a religious radical (who probably isnt so radical really) one day sets off an EMP bomb.

and we die.

good night :)

australia australia!

2009-07-03T19:23:00.003+08:00

arrived in australia at 1130pm last night because of a problem with the plane, which delayed it about an hour :( arrived at lydia's house at 1am plus, skyped with lala and showered and prepared for the next day, and then i slept at 2plus.

hur. today my sister and i went to school first to attend a getting started and accomodation session, which was useful :) i'll be finding an apartment as soon as i can, cos i wanna settle down so that we can actually shop and all.

then went around shopping in town (after the museum), and bought some essentials like lip balm and moisturizer (this place is dry and cold man!) and got myself the optus cards. the registration process is a bummer man! they asked me for a contact number when i was registering for a phone -_-

surprise!

2009-06-29T18:39:00.001+08:00

heh, angela and my sis planned a surprise party for me at the mind cafe; bloody scheming people had me on for a whole week!

anyway, angela wanted to go mind cafe, so we went and she influenced me to choose mind cafe by saying we can have a bacardi on the river afterwards. so i was like ok let's go boat quay (i originally planned to go to city hall so we could get a webcam too haha)

so i walked into the third floor, and i saw my NS friends there and went up to them and was like oi! bo jio! and then i was like hello hello to everyone and out of the corner of my eye i saw my church people and then i moved over to their table and said went hello hello! to all of them (kind of wanting to surprise my NS friends that like there was some super coincidence). and then while i was shaking hands it dawned on me -_-

and all this while they were watching me (purposely not telling me it was a surprise)

so yes hahaha i got punked by the two girls i love the most. and i was pleasantly surprised at the ability of angela to lie hahaha she's usually damn readable.

haha thanks to all who came :D it was really fun <3

reflections 1

2009-03-26T20:31:00.002+08:00

overall, my ns experience was useful: i learnt many things about leadership, diligence/hard work and appreciating friends. but these are lessons that i would have learnt anyway, and given the choice i would not serve these 2 years; they are much better spent doing other things (unless some favourable changes are made, such as the option to choose where you want to serve)

inefficiency
one of the things i learnt about a secure organization is that safety and security are on the opposite side of the see-saw from efficiency. to get a simple job done, there is a long string of processes in order to approve, organise and perform the job. in some ways this is much like the swiss cheese model which i learnt about in 'human factors'. where every layer of 'defense' has a hole, and the more layers you have the better because the holes won't line up and you cannot pass through it.

the army is comprised of four general groups of people:
the regulars who love the army
these are the people who sign on to serve the army full time because they love it. they love soldiering, they love defending their country, they love leading men and inspiring them to do so too. the army is built on these people.

the regulars who didnt have any other choice
these are the people who sign on because the pay is good, and/or their educational qualifications aren't too good (and they don't wish to study), and/or they are lazy people who want to earn a decent salary while doing nothing. these are the people that make the army a pitiful place to be, especially if you are the first type of person, or the third:

the NSFs who give their best
to these people, NS is an opportunity to learn, to gain experience, and to be prepared for working life. these are also the people who have an idea of what they would like to serve as in NS, but of course, as life would have it, never get it. but still they work hard; these are the people that make NS work, along with category 1. I used to be this person, but after realising (after like 1 and a half years) that people in cat 2 exist, i became

the NSFs who dont give a shit and just want to be done with it
dont get me wrong, everyone wants to get it done and over with, but these are the people who drag their feet on the way there, making everything difficult for everyone, complaining about everything, and doing nothing. (much akin to how the press thinks it can be a better president of the US). these are the people who are at the bottom of the food chain later in life, so i dont give a shit.

thus concludes part 1 :)

reflections on ns

2009-03-21T16:30:00.002+08:00

i've been thinking about what NS means to me, what it has done to me, and what difference it has made in my life, good or bad. more later.

meanwhile i feel contrained by my laptop. small screen, puny keyboard and an irritating as ass mouse.

oh, and vista is the testicles of a shitzu. it completely sucks, and is as slow as can be. takes me 2 minutes to start up, even after i deleted all the junkshit and deleted alot of startup services.

windows 7 please come faster!

big week!

2009-03-15T20:54:00.002+08:00

this week has been a big big week!

i bought a laptop (acer) which doesnt want to recognise my graphics card (cos i reinstalled everything, i dont trust OEM crap). i originally wanted to port to XP only but it seems to be too much of a problem with my gfx card, so now i just installed vista and trimmed it down alot. like alot. its now running twice as fast as before the crap.

then there's my camera! which lala bought for me :) panasonic lumix lz8! i LOVE it. its so crystal clear i could take a picture of my face and brush teeth, pop pimples and floss from that picture.

just so we can photodate when im in AU! SHES SO AWESOME RIGHT.

best girlfriend ever.

oh and i checked out FCBC today, by God's provision delirious was there leading worship! awesome stuff, God really used them to minister to me. i wish angela was there though, to enjoy it with me and maybe she'll find that she likes that church. -shrug-

photoblog

2009-03-07T17:20:00.001+08:00

im looking forward to starting to blog in photos :)

off to brissy!

2009-03-03T19:24:00.001+08:00

i'll be going with my sister to brissy, leaving on the 2nd of july :) gonna do some half touristy stuff, the other half settling down. i hope i can find accomodation within 2 weeks.

in any case, things are falling into place, bought the tickets, eyeing a laptop (prolly buying next week) and gonna set up skype and all. i hope i dont overwork my laptop too fast though. heh.

i also realise i'm not a power nap person. i took a quick nap at 4, set my alarm at 5; woke up at 6.30 after alot of snoozing and groaning.

first steps

2009-02-13T13:19:00.003+08:00

i decided that i would blog my time in australia (do hound me if i dont), and my preparation towards it. i will try my best to blog at least once a week. starting from today!

i've done quite a bit of OCD preparation for my study there, like coming up with a 'what to bring', what not to bring, a house checklist, etc.

Accomodation i will be studying in the university of queensland, so ill be renting a place (shared probably) in st lucia or dutton park, which is just one suburb outside my university. i intend to cycle to school (and lose fat!) realestate.com.au and the university's accom website gives great help in searching for apartments. i'll have to drop by my uni and see if they have a noticeboard there. budget: $150 per week fully furnished.

Transport the transport there is pretty expensive (relatively), which is the main reason why i'm staying so close to the uni. transport tickets are in single trip, off peak hours and daily tickets; the good thing though, is that buses and trains are the same company so you don't have to pay twice.

Work i've always thought that a student should be a student and not have to work part time to pay off, and also it would be better to be able to focus on studies (yeah right). but given my family's financial situation i would most likely take up a part time job. that means i have to apply for a VISA where i can work!

dual-living

2009-02-08T17:51:00.003+08:00

i am a citizen of 2 locations. home and camp.

at home, my priorities are the things i cannot do in camp; my babe, my bunny and my computer. the problem that results from this is that i stick to my computer when im at home, and im finding it hard to read/study or basically do anything else. i kind of 'leave these things' so that i can do them when i'm in camp. so i lug a thick calculus book to camp one day, and lots of books, but unfortunately somehow i end up not doing the things i intend to do in camp.

yes i am blaming something else for my unproductivity.

i hope i can change my attitude toward these things though, i don't want to be a ADD student when i come out of NS.

seriously, NS does screw with your head. given the choice (and hindsight), i would NOT choose to go there despite the great lessons i have learnt in the army. and i cannot, for the life of me, understand why parents put their kids through 2 years of a pathetic experience just to get a citizenship in a country that is so money minded.

back down 200eur

2008-11-01T23:50:00.003+08:00

my account is down 200 eur. need to learn a bit more patience haha. exploring a few indicators now, including cowabunga. too bad i wont be able to trade that in camp using the indicator that was made.

update on forex

2008-10-25T16:02:00.003+08:00

still interested in forex, im looking at forex as a long term income. it does take a bit of effort to keep myself afloat though, but what income-generating tool doesnt?

i opened a demo EUR trading account because i'm going to be trading in EUR soon, so i have to get used to the numbers on that account. opened the account on 13th october, and now it's currently standing at a $1583 profit. demo money of course. i will post my $$ standings every week, with a bunch of trade highlights and lessons learnt.

i bought myself a windows mobile phone so i could trade while in camp, but turns out my wifi doesnt want to accept benjamin's joikuspot haha. im looking at GPRS (0.5G down :() but the value added services are like what the heck stupid. it comes in packages of 5mb, 15mb, and 1gb. where's the in between!!! and with the 1gb package i can get unlimited HSDPA with m1. ridiculous. what should i do!

oh yeah, im closely watching EURSGD and AUDSGD so i can transfer my money there. my take is, since singapore isnt in a recession proper yet, we've still got a while more seeing the AUD drop.

good progress!

2008-10-05T19:42:00.008+08:00

forex is still a steep slope for me, but im making good progress. i seem to have found a niche in volatile markets. been trading it the past week, and made a tidy sum (of demo money). i dont know how i discovered it, but it just made sense when i did it.

the system uses bollinger bands and candlestick interpretation. some additional indicators i've gotten used to having on my screen is the parabolic SAR and stochastics, which kinda help. the basic premise is that the market moves up and down. this is especially visible in a volatile 15minute chart.

so i just look for a volatile 15m chart, and see if its good for me to enter. the 15min chart should be as horizontal as possible; just have a look at the bollinger bands if they seem to favour any direction. otherwise, only trade in the direction of the 'trend'.

so we see in the above image the 15 min USDCHF i traded this week. i've drawn in yellow what i mean by the lines zigzagging up and down. i try to look for volatile markets that have make up/down cycles of more than 50 pips. in this example, it is a horizontal trending market (at that time) but toward the end of the example it goes downwards. the trick is knowing when it's 'peaking' and then trade the other direction. this is where candlestick interpreting comes in. check out the following example.

so basically we see an upward cycle here, and i start keeping an eye out once it goes beyond the bollinger band. we get a clue when we see a hanging man appear. you may or may not choose to enter immediately after the hanging man. i notice that most of the big moves appear immediately after an indication of change of direction, as in the next candle where it suddenly moves down. in this example, i would have gone in at the hanging man, and exited when it crossed the stochastics middle line (i try not to stimulate my greed). the red X is just to show my eXit. if i had held on a little longer, i might've gotten more out of it. maybe i should exit when the stochastics shows oversold or starts to go up. hmmm.

the market then seems to calm down after so i stay out of it. the next big move happens here:

i might not have entered on this one, it prolly depends on how the next candle moves. if it showed signs of a bull run, i would've entered. the logic i seem to see is that after a huge black candlestick, everybody'll close their positions before the market bounces back. if we look carefully, we do see the next candlestick trying to push for a lower low, but gets rejected and catapults back up.

here are the rest of the possible trades:

we see the market deliberating where to go from there, whether to start ranging up or to go back down toward the bollinger centerline. it was oversold and a confused market so i went for a sell. set my take profit point at the middle mark. again i could've made more profit if i waited for the market to reach oversold. but then again, i try not to milk every last penny out of my trades.

these are the trades i really took.

i really dont know what the heck i was doing for the first one. heh. but i used 5 lots for all of them and didnt make a loss. the other theory of my method is that the trade will eventually come back around to you, so dont sell at a loss. this prevents my itchy and fearful fingers from making a call too early. (i like to panic and close my position)

of course this is just a guideline, and if you see the market obviously going in a direction away from your current point (like you suddenly decide to look at the daily chart and see that its on a huge downward trend). close it. losses are part of forex. :)

happy trading!

Metatrader

2008-09-04T10:01:00.003+08:00

I've switched over to metatrader4 from forex.com's FOREXTrader program. I find it more customizable, as well as I can programme my own indicators to show when I should or should not enter the market. (This also helps me in my quest to be disciplined in my trading as I can see clear 'buy' and 'sell' signals)

Also, metatrader4 is just a platform, and you can choose which broker you want to use. So I'm not bound to just one broker and have to relearn everything if i change over.

Been using the 'cowabunga' system, as a start, and made a decent 42 pips over 2 trades. will be monitoring it!

update on me

2008-08-23T21:44:00.002+08:00

been a while since i last posted. been thriving in 30 sce signals, though im confined next saturday because people threw rubbish at the smoking point (dumb i know).

been reading up alot about forex, training a bit. using the forex.com FOREXTrader platform. which is the best i've found so far, also taking into consideration that i LIKE a win32 download. seems to be faster updates that way. oanda.com isnt fast enough. oh well.

still trying to figure out my style of trading, i half want to be a position trader, and the other half wants to be a day trader. perhaps i'll do both :)

more updates to come hopefully :)

siiiignals

2007-09-22T11:07:00.000+08:00

ive been posted to signals! as signals operator - infocomm2.
no idea what that is, and people on forums are totally contradicting each other (except that i'm in signals and the training is quite slack). some people say its vehicle work, some say its HQ stuff. i have no idea haha.

but in any case, i would very much prefer to be in the airforce as a senior tech. so on monday i'll go ask my manpower officer if i can request to be posted to airforce as senior tech, given my diploma and my desire to want to be in the aviation industry (it would help so much to have some experience when i go study for my degree, and it would help me decide if i want to be a technician, doing almost the same routine everyday for the rest of my life)

i also need to ask him (or my PC) if compassionate leave extends to uncles (uncle steve's cancer :((( )
and tell him that i have a physio appointment on tuesday. my leg is taking forever to heal. i want to be able to run again :(

FAT.

and then ive been semi depressed, even though i know i'll enjoy the next few weeks of my NS life because its slack. i really want the airforce and i dont see why God would want me in signals, or want me to go the long way to get into the airforce before he lets me be there. whatever it is, the will of God is above mine, and that is my reason to be glad.

reflections on BMT

2007-09-19T21:00:00.000+08:00

i've decided to go reflective.

pre BMT:
lots of people telling me lots of different things. haha, like what to bring, what to expect and stuff like that. the worst kind of people are the people who tell you there's lots of shouting and it'll suck. i've decided to tell people (now that i'm out of there) that its loads of fun, if you look on the bright side of things.

for those who are going to go in, here are the list of things you should bring (thats not included in the list that SAF gives), for the first 2 weeks of camp:
black tape - like 4 rolls at least. you'll probably only use a couple for the first 2 weeks (if you share)
ziploc - to squeeze all your clothes and keep your stuff. probably not needed for the first 2 weeks but useful.
deodorant/febreeze spray - unless you like smelling smelly; you won't always have the time or mood to wash your clothes, so just a spray would do :)
extra PT shirt and shorts from army market - same reason as above, except that if you wash them, it might rain and your stuff wouldnt be dry :)
snake brand powder - it makes you feel good. esp after PT
johnson's OFF spray - cos your bed will have mites and shit.
wet tissue - to wipe your face if you have an oily one :)
ENO/cough mixture/yu yee oil/mosquito bite ointment - for the sicknesses that you might likely get. everyone gets tekong cough for sure, cos the water there is polluted man.
pictures of your babe and family - so that you dont get so homesick

first two weeks:
the first two weeks are the worst i feel. getting used to the regimentation sucks. the first couple of nights, i was asking myself what the heck am i doing here. and stuff like that. good thing though, is that my commanders spoke to us alot during the first 2 weeks 'admin time' (which is time where you get to do your own stuff). they're pretty good at making us feel better and stuff, telling jokes and all, even though things are less funny when you're in the army.

QT was fine, 430 every morning was something i looked forward to (kind of), the only thing that kept me ME.

first 2 weeks, the commanders arent allowed to make you do pumping and all that, to let you get used to the life there, but my coy was a bit different, we started in the 2nd week. one of the more memorable ones was 3sg dzul, after our route march.

during route marches, we are supposed to be close enough to the person in front of us to touch their field packs. we are supposed to be singing loud too. none of that happened.
so dzul was blowing his whistle (means to touch the person in front's field pack) a million times because we kept our own pace and didnt keep close. and at the end of the march, he got pissed, but he kinda bottled it in until it exploded all at once..

-nicely- "i know this is your first route march, and you guys dont keep close to each other, thats ok. and you guys never sing loud, its ok for your first route march... BUT ITS STILL FUCKED UP!!! #*^$&(^@!(#&)#(!)%*!&@#$)@"

and everyone got really freaking shocked.

book out:
GOSH i wish everyone would just shut up and stop saying 'so how is BMT?', even though they have good intentions when they say it. its miserable. i've always wanted shirts that say "i'm fine" or "i'm OK" or "everything is fine" or "i'm doing well, thanks". or like a chalkboard shirt that doesnt rub off so easily until you wash it.

but bookout is a great experience. for me, i was quite stoned, brainwashed by the SAF. couldnt really do much without being sad that i had to book in in a couple of days time. ansen's great advise, "the feeling sure will come, the trick is to delay it as long as possible, until you board the ferry", which is true, because it'll screw up your life if you dont delay the feeling.

wasnt much, cos we had to go army market to get stuff too. God bless my dad, he ferries me around, so i dont waste a million years. thankful for him, really.

bookin:
ugh.

the rest of the time:
passed pretty ok, 2nd bookin night, i got back the feeling of "why am i here?", but after that was fine. wasnt 'hell week' as prescribed by everyone else, cos we were already getting pumped for our mistakes. no difference for me actually.
by the 5-6th week, was pretty much settled in and stuff, but still dreaded bookins.
lots of screwups at the SAF terminal for the bookouts though, stupid bus service.

QT slowed down toward the end, and last 2 weeks didnt do much QT. not sure why, but waking in the morning was a dread.

shin injury:
just before national day! so i got 5 out of 9 weeks of BMT on status, cos i fractured my leg. its a stress fracture on my left fibula. still have it. God saw me through this time though, im really glad for that. got my appointment at CGH within 3 weeks, when others are still waiting for their appts :)

platoon relations:
im fine with my bunk people, though i realised through my bunk mates that i'm quite an impatient person, and quite intolerant of stupidity or slowness/blurness. something i should change.
im not too well liked in my platoon, which is interesting, since i dont have a problem like that in church. not that the church is very inclusive, but i seem to bond well with church people. in any case, im probably not well liked because i'm one of the naggers. 'eh hurry up lah, fall in already'. must have made me a prick ;)

enhanced vs PTP:
i was in the enhanced batch, versus the PTP (13 weeks cos they failed napfa) batch. theirs is more slack, so much more admin time, so much more rest and stuff.
but i think if we get posted to a xiong unit, the PTP people will be the ones complaining, because they're not used to the lack of time.

hmmm.
overall, SAF has much to improve in terms of efficiency.

did i say i love my girl? i do :)

funny signs

2007-06-25T01:14:00.000+08:00

prayer

2007-06-02T00:55:00.000+08:00

every spiritual giant i know prayed for 2 hours a day
i wanna be there.
so i shall start with, 30 minutes everyday.

ooh

2007-05-22T19:58:00.000+08:00

heh :)

all is well with me. except maybe struggling abit with my christian identity.

masterplans

2007-05-09T00:32:00.000+08:00

[00:20:42] cheryl: im gonna start work at fortis tmr
[00:21:38] whatthejawn!: hahaha oooooo
[00:21:42] whatthejawn!: what are you gonna do?
[00:22:08] cheryl: accounts hahaa
[00:24:47] whatthejawn!: hahaha i see
[00:24:55] whatthejawn!: figure out how to embezzle ok :P
[00:25:20] cheryl: hahhha
[00:25:26] cheryl: errmmmm, i want to be honest :/
[00:27:55] whatthejawn!: let me tell you the prospects of being a good
conperson ok
[00:28:11] whatthejawn!: this guy, cheated casinos of 9 million
pounds
[00:28:18] whatthejawn!: that is, 27 million sing dollars
[00:28:21] cheryl: yeah
[00:28:27] cheryl: how did he do that
[00:28:33] whatthejawn!: and he got caught, and he got 12.5 years in
jail
[00:28:43] whatthejawn!: but but but
[00:28:43] whatthejawn!: wait
[00:28:55] whatthejawn!: 12 and a half years in jail, for 27 million
dollars that was never recovered
[00:29:09] whatthejawn!: is 2.1 million dollars a year!
[00:29:05] cheryl: 18.5+12.5= 31
[00:29:18] cheryl: i'll be 31 by the time i get out of jail
[00:29:25] whatthejawn!: yes and able to retire too :P
[00:29:32] cheryl: aahhah cool
[00:29:41] cheryl: ok thats a good story. but i dont wnat to go jail
[00:29:53] cheryl: goodnight. see you thurs
[00:29:55] whatthejawn!: and in 12.5 years in jail, you have enough
time to think about what you've done, repent, and spend
11.5 years reading the bible to become an expert preacher
[00:30:11] cheryl: hahah and tell your life story right
[00:30:13] whatthejawn!: hahaha
[00:30:13] whatthejawn!: YA!
[00:30:19] whatthejawn!: you're getting on the right track now
[00:30:29] cheryl: NIGHT!
[00:30:33] * cheryl is now Offline

email to my dad

2007-05-03T11:29:00.000+08:00

this is an email i typed to my dad (yes we're so tech savvy!)

just sent acceptance into NTU's Mechanical Engineering, then will
appeal for the aero course on 16th may (thats when appeal starts),
most likely i wont be going for mechanical engineering, even if my
appeal is rejected. just keep my safety net there.

prayed about the vocation thing and i dont feel led to full time ministry
during this period, so i will try to apply to aero courses at universities
first. scholarships are mostly closed (they close 2 weeks after A level
results), so i will apply when i get accepted into an overseas school.

i might try for SIA pilot also though, seems alot more interesting than
fixing planes for the rest of my life. actually i'd rather be a pilot :P

kaching!
jawn

what's been happening?

2007-04-28T12:26:00.000+08:00

many things!

got my helicopter, Esky LAMA V4. wonderful helicopter, learnt alot from it too, from an aeronautical standpoint. i actually got quite a good deal from it, $160; i saw it in hobby shops for $269 O_O. the manual is even more wonderful; direct translation from chinese to english.

"Basics of helicopter: Unlike refular airplanes with fixed wings, helicopters use rotating wings, called rotor blades. The rotor blades generate lift when they rotate, similar to propeller of airplane. The motor driven rotor blades also introduce twisting force to the fuselage."

hehehe thats actually one of the better parts. anyway, they call a USB cable a 'softdog', for what reason i dont know. well, now my helicopter is broken (the blades, i crashed too many times), including the spare blades are broken. so i've ordered replacement parts :)

apart from that, i've stopped working (since the day my mom passed away), been tuitioning my sister about 3 times a week. she has alot to catch up on :/

been spending some time with my LA too, and my inferior memory just stands out everytime i'm with her haha; i keep forgetting stuff she likes/doesnt like. eh, lousy boyfriend :P i think she has no choice but to stick with me though :D

let's see, i miss evan, i tried to cook sushi and failed horribly, i met up with ron (and brought LA along) to have american club lunch [oh praise God for blue cheese], passed mark my extra picooZ, used up all my 1 month's pay (in less than a month too!), and have so many big fancy ideas limited by my lack of money and singapore's pathetic pool of resource for creativity.

i mean, does ANYONE know where to get wood?! for carpentry or just making a simple photo frame?! at consumer levels! i dont want to buy a forest just to make a photo frame :(

i consumed some books, mostly christian; (spent money there too, christian authors are soooo expensive,) learnt a bit of greek (i cant seem to put sentences together though), attended one class of systematic theology, got my phone repaired, scouted for computer prices...

and i fall deeper in love with my LA everyday :)

the library still bores me; and even the library thinks its boring.

my income is panting as my expenditure is finishing its marathon

2007-04-11T17:08:00.000+08:00

hahaha. considering that i'm not working anymore

wishlist:
- ESKY LAMA V4 beginner r/c helicopter ($160-179) [on the way to getting one!]
- R/C trainer USB (from skyhobbies singapore, $35)
- laptop graphics card ($300+-? required for above)

in other news, i have a picooZ to sell, anybody interested? 2 channel r/c helicopter. good for scaring sisters.

wake

2007-04-06T13:55:00.000+08:00

on the first day, it's pretty odd, like looking in the coffin and expecting my mom to move around, or open her eyes a little bit the same way she does when she wakes up.

and then you wonder if God's gonna do a miracle

and then you wonder if He can. i mean, He's got alot more work to do if he wants to revive her, especially since she's been embalmed already.
but thats creepy man, waking up in a coffin.

i can see how ancestral worship is so easily accepted now, when worshipping, its so easy to make the focus my mom and not God. when i pray, its so easy to want to pray to my mom, especially since i've seen her and she's more real to me.
and then you do things to please her, like clean the house, hoping she'll be smiling from heaven, but who am i really trying to please? it should be the Almighty.

so weird.

and at the end of it all

2007-04-05T09:44:00.000+08:00

my mom passed away yesterday (4 april 07) at 5:15pm, doctors said she'd have anytime between a few hours to a few days to more. she got a few hours; but she saw almost everyone.
her wake will be held from today till saturday afternoon, where the cortege will leave at 1030am.

its hard to cry for me, but i did. i don't even know why, im not even sure if i'll miss her (what's it like to miss someone anyway? there is a void in me, but i'm not exactly thinking 'oh, i will never get to see the way mummy ___________ again)

and reality has slowed down, everything for the next few days'll revolve around the wake, the prep, the cremation. nothing much from the outside world. and it's odd to think my mom is gone, like how people will be cautious to mention mom or something.

but i'm fine, my faith has not been misplaced. matthew 5:4 "Blessed are those who mourn, for they will be comforted."

eros

2007-03-17T12:46:00.002+08:00

im still trying to understand the concept of eros love.
in church we sing stuff like 'everything i need is you' and 'you're the only one that matters to me' and stuff like that. but to a certain extent its not all true? i would be lost if she disappeared from my life.. well.. mostly lost i think; i'd probably still be able to love God.

but what happens now that God isn't the only love of my life? am i disallowed from singing empty lyrics? what if the words i used to ascribe to God alone i can also use now for angela?

we still need to grow spiritually though :P

signs

2007-03-07T20:36:00.000+08:00

indeed.
why do people not bother to spell check? like...
water cheatnut

work and money and experience

2007-02-22T13:42:00.000+08:00

been wanting to work at church, gain some experience working in ministry, see what its like, stuff like that. although, when i finished school i sort of lost the drive to want to work in church (actually i dont really want to work at all, but i should :P)

previously, i was content with pretty much anything, as long as it was work in the church office; even admin, even minimal salary. but it seems now im a bit harder to please, maybe because of external factors.

asked the pastors about working in church, ps jenni got back to me and told me they'd meet about it. they took a while to come back, but in the end they asked if i wanted to take over aunty mee eng (admin) as she would be going on long leave (april), and said that if i wanted to learn stuff about ministry, i could go directly to the pastors/elders. [and i kind of feel that is a pathetic attempt at growing people]

so now im wondering if i want to work at church or not, here are my cards:
for:
experience (church admin), ill probably never get a chance to try it again
interaction with pastors, learn how they work
how the church works (although i think this church is too by-the-book)

against:
money, i probably can help my parents out a bit
time, if i take up ame's admin role, i would have alot less time weekends. plus even if i take up a 'part time' ministry role, its as good as full time
mood, im not too keen on it now

oh well. gonna try for PS daiso :P i hear their pay is good

church drivethru

2007-02-22T13:02:00.000+08:00

church drivethru, sad isnt it, how everyone has their own opinion of the way church should be run; and when it doesnt go our way, we try and change it (or we move). so whats the line between right and wrong?

valentines

2007-02-14T14:14:00.000+08:00

valentine's day is named after two Christians who died for Christ, both named Valentine. amidst all the romantic love that we all have on this day, let's not forget true agape love :)
i made a persistence of vision (POV) thing for her, didnt have time to decorate the box (actually, i dont know how to). an example of POV is the clock that waves and writes numbers into the air.

here you go,it reads:
happy
vday!
lala! (i call her that)
ilu! <3
you
make
me
smile! :)
iluvm!
<3 <3 <3

for the sweetums :)

graduated!

2007-02-10T00:42:00.000+08:00

i finally graduated :D

didnt hang around with my friends, i went to meet angela instead. it was a nice night out :) stayed out past the last bus, so i took a turbocharged V6 skoda octavia home. haha eleven bucks taxi fare man, my dad should let me drive when i go out on dates ;) [i wonder if he still reads...]

in any case, the stupid thing we did, which wasnt really so entertaining anymore.. running across the roof of T1A. again. we should do the 4 stories-high bridge at T14, more kick. especially if we fall.

sentosa!

2007-02-09T13:12:00.000+08:00

my class went over to sentosa on monday.adrian was in a hilariously small FBT

i was mooning my classmates, apparently there were a couple of girls behind watching. hahaha. oops.
nothing very interesting that day.. except..rescueing the stuck pig :D

blasphemy challenge

2007-01-31T12:24:00.000+08:00

this is disturbing: blasphemychallenge.com challenges people (youths, obviously) to blaspheme the Holy Spirit, and thus gain eternal damnation. of course, this is after the youths themselves deduce that Christianity is irrational, false and God is non-existant.

i fear that people would just go straight ahead and shoot a video of themselves blaspheming the Holy Spirit, since they aren't Christians anyway. well there's a free DVD innit? but of course, there are those who rationally consider Christianity, and decide that there is no God.

irrational faith. I believe that God did send His only Son, birthed by a virgin, who lived a perfectly Holy life. I believe that God incarnate did hang on a cross and die. I believe His death was for us, and we would gain eternal salvation by the grace of God (since, he IS a loving God).

there is rational faith, but there is no 100% rational faith. no amount of intellect alone will lead you to the belief that Christ is Saviour of the world. (in fact, it takes an emotional high induced by the awesome band, a riot of people spouting an unknown language, a money hungry and homosexual pastor, and prayer ministers who don't believe in the power of prayer to pray over you; and sometimes a touch from God)

but really, why condemn yourself to hell by blaspheming the Holy Spirit? is your ego really so big that you believe you can understand all of creation (or evolution) and decide in this lifetime that God is not real? if you must not-believe, dont seal an eternal contract! that is more irrational than irrational faith.

what is blaspheming the Holy Spirit anyway? i'm not theologically trained, but i'll tell you what i think it is. its denying the work of God on this earth, knowing full well that it is God who caused it to happen. it is- simply- denying that Jesus is the Son of God. nobody can go to heaven without acknowledging that Jesus is the Saviour. this, is the unforgivable sin.

leave it to your rationality, or your irrationality to choose between God or not. "We cannot pander to a man's intellectual arrogance, but we must cater to his intellectual integrity." - PAUL LITTLE

of dialogue and debate (by christianarchy)

2007-01-31T12:19:00.000+08:00

of dialogue and debate
By christianarchy (tuffy) on thoughts
thoughts it's one of my greatest weaknesses. on the surface it doesn't sound like one... i mean, how could the fact that i'm always right be a bad thing?
for a long time i've recognized this area in which i struggle. i like to be right. i don't like to admit when i'm wrong. i like to be smart, and i like for everyone to know its true. when someone says something i don't agree with, i tend to want to make sure they understand why they're wrong and i'm right.
but i'm working on it.
i'm learning about it.
i'm learning that the greatest way to be smart is to dialogue. that doesn't come natural to me. my natural inclination is to debate. after all, i was a novice debater for four years in high school. if there's one thing i understand its using immature techniques to win an argument.
the strange thing about the "game" of debate is that the winner doesn't really win anything. no one walks away from a round of debate convinced of the winner's position. only that they happened to argue the loudest or with the most words. or perhaps they just didn't make the mistake of skipping a step in their logic. even more strange is that the winner doesn't have to even believe what they are saying. they just need more points than their competitor.
now i appreciate the high school game of debate. but we sure spend an awful lot of time debating outside of this contest. and where does it get us? see, when it comes to real life debates the purpose of the conversation is still to win, but at much greater cost to both the person we "defeat" and to ourselves.
dialogue, however, has a completely different purpose. where debate seeks to hold tight to where we already stand in order to prove our point, dialogue opens a willingness to not only be heard, but to hear. it means that the real purpose of the interaction is that all involved will come to a better understanding of the subject matter, and therefore everyone wins... everyone moves ahead. and perhaps more importantly, no one is beaten down.
and since dialogue holds within its methods compassion, humility, teachability, and respect, i find it increasingly hard to understand why it is that we, who have the nerve to call ourselves followers of Christ, tend to choose the methods that mean belittling, rigidity, pride, and destruction.
but hey...
i'm working on that.
---
i like this post. reflects me, reflects alot of people i'm around :p the debate team thing especially (though i've never been in one).

dream - in jesus name

2007-01-18T06:56:00.000+08:00

i had a long and weird dream, but the focus of it was that my sister (or someone) got posessed, and had like.. crazy eyes (the devil said look into my eyes). then i woke up (in my dream) and prayed for my sister, and i kept praying in Jesus name, but i had to refine it
"in the name of Jesus i ask you to come out", then i thought for a while and changed it to "in the name of Jesus i command you to come out" and it got more and more fierce and commanding. in the end the demon was cast out, but i took so long to find the right words and the right mindset.

i think i dont believe in the power of the name of Jesus enough.

church

2007-01-14T22:54:00.000+08:00

for a long time, i've gone to church for the sermon: to gain knowledge about God.
nothing wrong about that, but that became the focal point of the service. the focus is worship.

Holy Holy Holy
is the Lord God Almighty.

no other aspect gets more highlighting than holy, holy, holy.

bad deals

2007-01-05T23:41:00.000+08:00

For what shall it profit a man, if he shall gain the whole world, and lose his own soul?
Or what shall a man give in exchange for his soul?
- Mark 8:36-37

if the world is 6000 years old (biblically), by the time you die, you would've lived 1% (assuming you live to around 60 years old) of the entire time that people have been around. 1% is ALOT, especially when you consider how we're taught from young that scientifically the timeframe we live in is an inch out of many miles of the life of the earth.

1%! and if you count from when Christianity began (i take Jesus's death onward, since before that it was judaism): 40 years from now would be 2046, i would be 60, and Christianity would be about 2013 years old; i would have lived 3% of life since Christ died.

oh if i could just impact 3% of the world: 180 million people.
3% of time on earth is mind blowing. I finally feel like a significant number, I finally feel i need to make a difference. I need to pray more :p

happy new year!

2007-01-01T11:11:00.000+08:00

to everyone :) stayed over at jolene's place and found out that i snore.

and if you are looking for my msn address: well i had a .com before i moved here, and my msn address is with that .com, though my .com is no longer in existance. actually, i have two accounts on that, one is jawn, the other is jawnlooi.

i used to blog on my old domain, but since its gone i moved here. you can find out where i came from somewhere on this blog :) once again, no cheating.

have fun stranger :)

and its all right to be wrong

2006-12-27T19:20:00.000+08:00

i think one of the things i've come to realise is that it's alright to be wrong. (so dont correct me saying that alright isnt a proper english word.)

i think growing up in a meritocratic society, everyone strives for perfection and toward a dull sameness-in-answer. peace is equivalent to believing the same things. pastor mike erre and todd proctor and the bunch were saying a few things that all sort of looped back to 'its alright to be have doubts, its alright to fall, its alright to blahblah'. which is contrary to what i've believed for a long time.

the people around me are mostly... stuck up on being 100% right, i can name a few, classmates, friends, even and elder in my church. why doesnt pastor tell us that he too gets stuck in struggles? it would be nice to know that someone's stuck in here with us, but well.. no.. he has to keep a 'holy' front.

now if you're one of those people who have your first responses to situations as 'no, its like this..' or 'not really, the truth is..', then hahaha you're on my frown-list. but in any case, everybody does it to a certain extent, especially when we have a vast bank of knowledge. yet there is a difference in how you oppose someone.

case: if you were in the columbine shootings, and then the shooter stuck the gun on your head, and asked you whether you believed in God, knowing that you'd be shot, what would be your response?
a) search google (or you already know) , and find out that there's actually no such incident; Cassie Bernall was probably a woven tale, and oppose that statement.
b) just answer yes or no

this may be a bit over the edge, but it does happen sometimes. it's more obvious here since if you answered (a), you'd have missed the whole point. but it actually does happen alot around me; i wish people would be more.. kind in their rebukes/opposition.

i talk too much, and i've deviated from the original point i wanted to make.
its alright to be wrong, doubting and fallen.

tithing and saving

2006-12-11T00:24:00.000+08:00

pastor preached a sermon on giving generously today.
he said 10%, not very generous :P
what happens to saving money? is the christian supposed to live by faith and not save money? to live like tomorrow may not come, to spend and live a simple life (like a monk, nah)?
before you say that generous giving has to be mixed with saving of money, what about those spiritual 'giants' - like john wesley who died with only 10 pounds to his name?
tell me tell me, because i only have 22 bucks in my bank account and i need bragging rights. hahaha

bills

2006-11-17T21:34:00.000+08:00

A 100 dollar bill, a 50 dollar bill, and a one dollar bill meet up at the shredder at the end of their lives. The 100 says, "I've seen the whole world during my lifetime. Why, I've been on cruises in Caribbean, safaris in Africa, and vacations in Europe." The 20 says, "Well, I've not done quite as well, but I have been to Atlantic City, Disneyland, and Starbucks." They both turn to the one dollar bill and ask, "How about you?" The one, not wanting to be outdone, says, "I've seen the whole country as well. I've been from church to church to church..."

faithhopelove

2006-11-11T00:59:00.000+08:00

spent the whole evening designing this flyer with my sister. i like it :) stole the idea from hazelnut-nyc's deviation though.

6280

2006-11-06T23:00:00.000+08:00

i got the nokia 6280 :)
God does have a better plan after all, which happens to be M1's student plan. its better than singtel's hahaha. and to think the M1 person told me that they wont have a plan like the 98 dollar 6280 again! it happened today :D my new number is 90900851, for all you stalkers. update! :)

doesnt feel so 'woohoo!' to have a new phone though.. maybe it hasnt rubbed in yet, maybe im realising that its the people you sms thats important :)

i love you all!

ted haggard

2006-11-05T22:14:00.000+08:00

pastor ted haggard, president of the National Association of Evangelicals, senior pastor of New Life Church, resigned from his post(s?) following a scandal involving him, a male social escort and a drug, meth.

"Haggard admitted he had received a massage from a Denver man who claimed the prominent pastor had paid him for sex over three years. Haggard also admitted he had bought methamphetamine.

Haggard, in an interview with CNN affiliate KUSA, denied having sex with Mike Jones and said he did not use the drug and threw it away." -CNN

i'd like to say that i really admire this pastor. i first saw him when i watched this video, here. i really admire the way he responds to the arguments; not with fierceness or hot-temperedness, but even so with a stern and revealing truth (intellectual arrogance).

people'd say that's a show of his pride but i see it otherwise. in any case, with regard to this news, i'd only say: let he that has no sin cast the first stone.

if my church's pastor would be caught in such a sin? i think as long as he's repentant there wouldnt be a need to kick him out, nor remove his post. but i'd suggest a time for him to step down to reflect before he gets back up :P after all, Christ did die for the sinners.

YM

2006-10-30T23:13:00.000+08:00

pre youth prayer last saturday was awesome!!!
there really was unity of spirit, all of us prayed something about hearts. i was reminded of a sermon that was about a heart that had alot of muck and goo on it, and was representative of bitterness that had built up over time, and prevented the heart from receiving.

but before i could pray that, almost everyone prayed about heart conditions hahaha. i was wondering if it was because i was specifically hearing for hearts, but when i asked robin and evan later, they both agreed that they too felt led to pray for hearts. awesome man!

which also kind of brings me to something that i find very odd in myself, i think i'm too much of an achiever, somehow i view prayer-out-loud as a race to pray the coolest and most soul searching prayer. maybe thats a reason for wanting so many spiritual gifts too. i wonder. but i do know in my head that its not a competition to pray the most pharisical prayer, but somehow i just get led in that direction.

-

originally, robin wanted to do a sharing-prayer thing, but betty decided against it (i still am quite... disturbed about it). but i do see that God worked out what he wanted, darryl shared with me that God was leading him in a prayer-worship thing; so even though robin didnt go ahead with the prayer bit, it was transacted through darryl. and i felt God was very present during worship. i loved it :D been a while since i knelt down in worship. i pity the adults though, the seating in church is so not conducive for free worship.

-

kingdom assignment! i (along with 11 others) received a hundred bucks from betty, to do this kingdom assignment thing. which was... 100 bucks from God, spend it on his purposes and see what happens! hopefully it'll snowball. anyway it was very cool cos i was thinking of doing this for street evangelism before betty did it.
we're going to do street evangelism on the 11th, and there would be some people that wouldnt feel comfortable sharing the gospel, so one other option for them (i was led to think) was to give them some money and have them find some way to bless the community. i was thinking give out coke! (after seeing the servant evangelism video on youtube, which was INSPIRING)

in any case, i have a hundred bucks sitting on my desk and i dont know what to do with it. but i'm sure God'll open doors. i think it was ron that said to invest the money that you have excess of; if you win 4d, keep some for yourself and invest the rest, if you lose the money its ok, because you're not bankrupt :)

when gods collide

2006-10-19T22:08:00.000+08:00

you see, my dad brought me to parkway to get a phone for my bday. i wasnt exactly so keen on getting a phone but since i had no better idea, why not? so anyway, i went to the hello shop, and saw that they had a 99 dollar offer for the nokia 6280, which was like.. ok, cool.

then we went to the m1 shop to see if they had any interesting deals (the m1 student plan is better, so i would rather get an m1 line) and saw that same phone, at 98 bucks. they had a test piece, and like when i felt the thing slide, it was the love man. (its a sliding phone btw)

so anyway, i queued up, and halfway thru the queue (it was a long boring queue, they have slow service man) the person told me that the 98dollar offer was over already and she tried to work around it but couldnt

so i was like.. heartbroken man. but its alright.
then my dad told me i should pray about it first, cos they only prayed about the washing machine (we got one, and i must say its fun to watch a front loading machine spin around and foam). so... initially it was already in the back of my head that i shouldnt get this phone, but i ignored it. i mean, logically what can be better!

so since i had the same offer at singtel, i went down and on the way was praying, and eventually it stopped at 'if you allow me to get the phone... let there be... something striking green in the singtel shop'

well there wasnt, even though i was looking like mad hahaha. : (

so anyway i decided to go home, since God said no. we went home, and i've been raving all week about the nokia 6280.

this afternoon i went to bugis, checked out the 3 mobile service providers, and only singtel still had the offer (which ends tomorrow btw) and im like. AHHHHH.

SO, i blocked off the God side of the equation, and wanted to get it. i still had some hesitation because God had earlier said no, but.. darn i want it : P sooo after making up my mind to get it, i went to the singtel shop and after scanning through the terms and conditions of getting that particular deal, i knew i could get it.

so essentially i snooked God when i said 'but hey, if you really dont want me to get the phone, then somehow make some clause appear that disallows me from getting it'.
nahahahah i thought i had it all covered, but anyway, they required my dad to be there in person, or with a letter of authorization. which... sucked.

so i went home, and was like. whyyyyyy i like the phoneeee why cant i have it?
so yes, hi dad, my dad reads my blog. thats why you saw me moody on the couch at night, because i want the phone and the bigger dad wouldnt allow it.

so, 'so' is the word i use the most to start a sentence. someone teach me how to use other.. words.

in the midst of all this, while brooding on the way home, while i was going why why why; i realised that alot of times, when we ask God 'why?', it's because we have our own notions about what's best for ourselves, and God doesnt follow that. so we ask why. i asked why. why isnt a nokia 6280 for me! why! why wont you let me get a pretty chick for a girlfriend before i go into NS so i can make her wait 2 years for me! (i'm just kidding)

i mean, ideally, logically, secularly, the phone of choice with the circumstances, it cant get any better than that. i guess God still knows best :) im not hoping that somehow someone will drop his 6280 and i find it with no way to contact the owner (God forbid that the phone i get should have been dropped by another). i'm not hoping that someone would be selling his phone at a lower-than-supposed rate. i've surrendered, if He doesnt want the phone for me, so be it, His will above mine.

2006-10-15T23:31:00.000+08:00

i dont know where im going with this, but i think friendships dont matter anymore.
i've held on to my friendships for a very long time, i always thought they'd be there, i always thought it was godly to have friendships. it was! but i just never let God handle my friendships, and i'd get upset when i didnt get it the way i wanted it. another step to total surrender, as far as i know now, i'm at God's feet again, with nothing i'm holding onto on earth. (of course if i could do this, i'd be a saint, so i guess i'm not all surrendered yet)

its been great, the past week or two, i'm starting to get on the same frequency as God again: i don't know what i'm doing right this time, and i dont know what i was doing wrong before, but i get the sense i know where God's headed, and its a good thing to know.

there are changes to effect when we move to SIM, i'm still not happy with the way things are handled in church, and i think the legalism is as my dad would say, an insidious influence. (i learnt this word when he told me not to work after my Os because of influences.) i think all saints should ease up a little and have things more spontaneous. but thats just me, evan says i'm anti-establishment.

pursuit of wisdom

2006-09-23T09:44:00.000+08:00

wisdom and intellect. in 1 kings 3, solomon asks for wisdom, above wealth or long life or fame.
v5 "...and God said, 'Ask for whatever you want me to give you.'"
solomon replied v9 "...give your servant a discerning heart to govern your people and to distinguish between right and wrong. For who is able to govern this great people of yours?"
v11-12 ...God said to him, "Since you have asked for this and not for long life or wealth for yourself, nor have asked for the death of your enemies but for discernment in administering justice, I will do what you have asked. I will give you a wise and discerning heart, so that there will never have been anyone like you, nor will there ever be.
1 kings 4:29 God gave Solomon wisdom and very great insight, and a breadth of understanding as measureless as the sand on the seashore

wisdom and intellect. alot of people say im smart, i dont think i am. my vocabulary is poverty, my perception of things are skewed. i get confused when people talk with big words and cheem theology (which really, i feel is unnecessary sometimes). the only thing i'm relatively good at is some academics. math, physics. anyway, it comes around to this, that school doesnt teach wisdom. what is wisdom compared to intellect! intellect gets you places, wisdom gets you peace. i havent found out what wisdom really means, but i am challenged to. my next step in God is to grow to be a bit wiser.

intellectual pride is not wise, it is a barrier to faith, it is a barrier to many things we should be open to. to a certain degree, intellectual pride is in all of us. i believe that everything has a simple truth, money matters, its all in God's hand. several people have been prompted by God to give all their money away and to live by faith that God will provide daily, and they did.

someone said that to give all your money in the faith that God would support you is only if you live alone, because the dynamics of finance changes when you have kids, a wife, a family. that is a faithless statement, that is a worldly-wisdom-tainted statement; if God calls you to give up your entire savings, then give it up, because he will support you day by day. the fact that you have children and a family does not change the fact that God will support you. in fact, God will give you more because you have this family to keep.

lets all come back to simple truth. everything in the bible is. it just IS. when it says turn the other cheek, its not 'turn the other cheek, so long as you're not being taken advantage of and being stepped on', noooo thats worldly wisdom. its not 'turn the other cheek then talk to the one who slapped you and convince him he's guilty', noooo thats worldly wisdom. 'turn the other cheek'.

how have you added your own words to the bible?

the passing of steve irwin

2006-09-05T11:58:00.000+08:00

steve irwin (croc hunter)'s death was quite shocking and unexpected. but nonetheless i see in that, the frailty of life; how swiftly death'll come when you least expect it. steve irwin didnt even have any last words! i guess partly cos he was underwater. what if you die today? do you know where you'll be going? heaven or hell? even if religion never pricked your heart before, it ought to when you wonder about what happens after you die. ahhhh eternal destiny.

and the second question is this. steve irwin died doing what he loved, i think it would've been terrible for him to become old and unable to run around and interact with wildlife (maybe he coulda taken care of his kids, another buncha monkeys :P) but still, he died what he loved doing. susanto (my classmate) ever asked me why missionaries would risk their lives going into china, to spread the gospel even though they know they'll probably be killed for it. the response to that is that 'they've found something worth dying for, that is Jesus and his message', and i think that is something important, that we dont start living until we've found something to die for, something worth dying for. for me, only Christ is worth that. what're you living for?

holiday calendar

2006-08-28T21:36:00.000+08:00

i decided that for this holiday, i should do one useful thing everyday. i dont know what i define as useful, but i definitely dont count schoolwork as useful :P and of all these days, im going to set aside 2 or 3 days to retreat to the laguna apartment to read the bible the whole day (i hope i can). -edit- OK! i decided that i should do one thing everyday that shows God's love.

28 aug - jogged, and bought some painters (HDB flats) drinks :D
29 aug - shared the 4sl with jiamein, and had a nice talk about what she believes in haha :)
1 sept - bought breakfast for family, but my mom didnt want :( she's actually why i went to buy -_-

2006-08-10T22:16:00.000+08:00

hahaha i went into the shower and i saw this cockroach on the ceiling, like in front of the door... then i was like. oh shit. and it looked like it could fly then i was like oh shit again.

hahaha then i dunno man, when i showered i kept looking all over just in case it flew into the shower cubicle (theres a hole at the top) and man... after i finished showering, it was still on the ceiling.. IN FRONT OF THE DOOR.

and it was trying to get onto the other roof tile, and it looked like it was slipping or something half the time. so i spent 15 minutes (YES REALLY) in the shower waiting for it to move aside... all the while saying oh shit oh shit.

cos my clothes were in front of the door, the cockroach was above it so i was afraid it would drop onto it. moreover, since my clothes were there, it would sort of stopper the door if i opened it and rushed out. plus i was afraid it would drop on top of my nekkid body.

so finally i decided to RUNNNNNNNN and i did and ... its still there. -insecticide.

abiding

2006-08-09T14:10:00.000+08:00

recently God's been guiding me to learn about abiding in Him. but more than just knowing to abide in His word and find pleasure in following God's will, i've also been trying to live in God's love. hmmm, it's been a while since i've had a 'whoa your presence is here' thing, and i've been pursueing that.

honestly i dont really believe that we shouldnt be chasing 'feelings', i believe God manifests his presence, and 'sensing' the presence of God is one way. it's not the only way, and i'm not relying on these feelings for anything; its just the love, the tangible presence to know He is here.

what happens to the initial salvation experience? why does the power of God, the EMpowerment of God, the faith and courage to say 'ALL things are possible with God!!!' including the exclamation marks, fade away after a while? i am chasing after this confidence and level of faith, because i've tasted this honey from the rock and i know i know i know it is good. then when i get it, i will share it because everyone oughts to know that if rocks make honey better than bees..!

wait upon the Lord

2006-07-31T19:50:00.000+08:00

jaeson ma, in one of his sermons, talks about isaiah 40:31, "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength"

and from this he derived his 2 hourly prayer/waiting thing, to sensitize himself to God's Spirit before he begins his day. i've been trying this yet i keep falling asleep while waiting haha. but one thing has become apparent, i'm more willing to do my QT, since i decided that it's ok even if i fall asleep while 'waiting'.

and i guess through this, my walk with God has grown closer. and i've been becoming more and more convicted that overcoming sin is not by my own effort, but by God's grace. it's always been head knowledge, but now its heart knowledge too. when i walk close to God, i realise the temptation doesnt hold much strength.

its not so much of psychoing yourself that you wont fall into the devil's lies, its not so much of choosing and forcing yourself to walk the narrow path; when i'm in communion with God, i see these things come naturally. its just all about making this my main goal, to have the glory of God shine in me; everything else is a by product, signs and miracles, being a light for others, being empowered, its all the result of a hot walk with God.

and im loving it :D

the talking donkey

2006-07-11T23:13:00.000+08:00

numbers 22:21-41 is titled 'Balaam's donkey'. i dont particularly like running references while reading books or blogs unless its very controversial, but here's the biblegateway link to the NIV version, because i KNOW you're gonna click on it.

its about a talking donkey. i heard about this some time ago, and my initial response was disbelief (because im not so well versed in the bible you see) and when i checked it up i was like O_O suddenly the Bible doesnt seem so credible anymore. i mean, the red sea parting i can believe; its been proven by that ridge thing. but err, doctor dolittle?

but in one of my shower revelation moments, i realise there are two reactions to this passage. the first reaction is 'incredible. that just added a new reason for me to doubt the bible' and the other reaction is 'incredible! there really is NOTHING God can't do!'

i'm the second now :)

challenges

2006-07-11T22:30:00.000+08:00

last time i used to LOVE challenges, like, bring it on! i can take it with the Spirit! (some of you would testify that i do :P)
but now, i think i've fallen into the world too much. im scared of whats coming.

finding simplicity, finding a relationship

2006-07-04T08:59:00.000+08:00

when i first returned to Christ, everything was so simple; it isn't 'the hype of it all', i clearly remember it was 'the truth of it all'. everything could be answered with Jesus. yet as i walked along my vision got tainted, christian politics, conflicting views, answers that can't really be answered. i feel forced to think in big loops now, instead of ideas revolving simply around Jesus.

even the things i used to do with a pure heart, i now have to think twice before i do it, i now have to consider my motives before i do it. i think its the insidious thought that creeps into your head when people ask you 'is it out of lust, pride, selfishness?' more than physicality, i used to regularly listen to alot of preachers (mp3 sermons) yet now i dont because i have this thing inside me that goes 'are you really listening because you want to be changed? or is it because you have pride and you want to just have that competitive knowledge?'

it sucks i tell you, i need an answer; i know the answer, but i just seem to have stopped believing that answer. the answer to all the world's most complex questions is simply Jesus. if God is a loving God, how can God bear so much pain and suffering in the world? the answer is Jesus, He did bear all the pain and suffering in the world. aaaaah but how am i to believe it.

i need to find the relationship again, the hand in hand walk where politics and theological debates cannot touch me. away from legalism and just live like a born-again child, everyday.

persecuted for righteousness

2006-06-13T23:32:00.000+08:00

Matt 5:10 - "Blessed are those who are persecuted because of righteousness, for theirs is the kingdom of heaven."
how righteous are we? how much are we willing to stand up for righteousness? are we righteous enough to be persecuted? in our open society like singapore, where religious tolerance is quite high, there isnt persecution. or not, maybe we just dont let others know about Christ enough. but lets talk about being righteous.

Matt 5:6 Blessed are those who hunger and thirst for righteousness...
if you are this kind of righteous person, then you will surely be persecuted. Jesus was. people take advantage of righteous people, people like to step on them and ridicule them, i'm guilty of that. people will hate being in your presence, because you thirst for righteousness and they want to do the wrong thing. you're a 'spoilsport' and a 'killjoy', but you're standing up for righteousness. people hate the truth, people hate goodygoodies. but we're asked to be righteous, and to be a positive influence.

vulgarities, lustful desires, skipping classes and so on. it happens around me all the time; i'm quite uptight about people swearing around me, but i havent done anything about my classmates openly talking about skirts and all. its time i start ;) and i'm not expecting a positive response from them, because i'm going against whats natural for them, whats natural for all of us. but living fish swim upstream, dead fish get washed to the bottom- its going to be hard but it will happen. and when my classmates get irritated because they cannot 'express themselves freely', i know i've done my work :)

and i exhort you, my reader, to preserve this world and be a shining light for all to see, that you may be courageous and upright enough to allow yourself to be persecuted. its not about being cool or making the gospel sound like the old testament. its not about having a 'nice God that allows you to passively sin because he understands'. its a standard of righteous that all men, saved or not must live up to. and when you get mocked for playing an angel, rejoice, because great is your reward in heaven, because all the great prophets before you have been persecuted.

who wouldnt like to live in harmony? but the truth would upset everything. nobody likes the real truth, until they have tasted it.

rachael lampa - all this time

2006-06-12T00:42:00.000+08:00

i've been flipping through pages full of golden rules
a wealth of tiny truths
tripping over the same old things,
i thought i'd long since moved

i believe in the helping hand, my fellow man
and the fail-safe 'love thy neighbour plan'
the promise, the creed, the other cheek
so help me; i need to get to you

i believe in the one about reaching out,
living loud, and all my doubts
i believe in what i can't do
and i believe, i believe in you

i believe i can overcome
the things that've been left undone
i believe i have a place to go,
somehow i know, i will get to you

zara security guards

2006-05-31T22:37:00.000+08:00

so anyway a few days ago, i went to zara (wheelock) and i was carrying a cup of, i dont know man, coked sprite or something, the KFC woman wasnt too good at getting the right order. it was raining pretty bad at that time, and we had to get a little wet to get to zara (because, apparently the only entrance is from outside, and there's no link to the shopping mall)

then the security guard stopped me and told me i couldnt bring drinks inside. "sure, im not drinking it, gonna throw it away, you mind if i pass thru your store and throw it away?" (i wasnt aware that there wasnt a link to the shopping mall inside)
and his reply was quite, blunt, like a "no no, throw it outside, we don't have dustbins here" and i looked outside and found it quite ridiculous he was asking me to walk to a dustbin in the rain. so i asked if he minded if i left the drink there and took it on the way out.

"no no, throw away please". blood boiling man, but i did it anyway. on my way to the dustbin (alot of thinking time btw) i wanted to slam the drink into the dustbin, but i decided that was pretty stupid, and that i would probably dirty myself more than get a kick out of it. i threw it away nicely and went back to the store.

i asked for his name, sort of like an empty threat, but i really wanted him to know i was duly pissed. he refused to give me his name, "no name sorry, what do you want my name for?" and i persisted and eventually he knocked me so far off that i asked to see his manager, this time it wasnt an empty threat, i was really, really, angry with him.

anyway this went on for like 5 minutes or so, i never got to see his manager, and i never got his name. we shopped.

anyway that (later on) started me thinking whether i was a bit of an oppressive dude coupled with a superiority complex. more than this issue, its also about the BGR discussion thing i'm attending, i always seem to be the one with the issues, and the one most persistent at those issues. maybe cos it matters, maybe cos i'm just looking for things to boost my ego (i dont do it consciously of course).

in any case, eventually i decided that yes, i am like that. it got me bothered for a while, then i dont know, i reached this point where i guess all the stress that mounts up from many things just smack.

i broke.

and i prayed that God would use my brokenness to remould me. been trying not to find fault with stuff, and i realise i DO do it alot. looking back, im quite glad i didnt get to see the manager, i wouldnt want the security guard to lose his job.

then on the phone with evan, she said UYH told her that we were too physical. i thought about it for a while, and told God (when we hung up soon after) that yeah, ill be less physical to e'ryone. i wasnt too uncomfortable with that, since im already broken hey.

so there. long entry. more patience, more love, and not to depend so much on expression of affection, physically.

gospel of judas

2006-04-12T23:27:00.000+08:00

nat geo is airing a new documentary, the gospel of judas. dan brown's da vinci code hits the movies. all these for new controversy.. or maybe not. the gnostic gospels have always been around, there have always been groups of people who believe these gospels are true.

so is it the new discoveries that make the old gnostic gospels more authentic? partly i guess. i think the large part of it is the film industry suddenly learning how much money they can make with shows that challenge the general public's belief.
farenheit 9/11, the real stuff behind the 9/11 attack.
more than that, since the passion of the Christ, everybody just woke up to how much they have neglected the Christian film industry; there's a gold mine behind it.

so whats the point of all this? well, the gnostic gospels have always been around; new theories and new stuff can come up to support these. but there are so many unknowns in the bible that eventually you're gonna reach a point where the bible becomes all true, or not true at all.

genesis: the world was created in 6 days; i take the creationist point of view, only because i decide to believe that darwin is spinning around in his grave. its all speculation, and there's so much we dont know about science to determine stuff like this.
noah's ark: great flood impossible? scientists say its more like a large flood of a big area that makes it seem like the whole world was flooded. well there's a theory (i'm not sure if its proven) that there was a thick envelope of vapour in the atmosphere, and it collapsed in order to achieve a flood of noah's proportion. that would also explain why people live shorter, because less of the sun's UV rays are absorbed by the atmosphere.
every other scientific discrepency in the bible: i'd say i believe the bible, because we dont know, and if i believe that the bible is symbolically true only, then it wouldnt make me a very good witness no?

we're just waiting for the next scientist to figure out that another miracle in the bible is possible. they already proved the red sea; what're you gonna say when someone discovers something: "i knew it was true all the while" or "wow, now i have to rethink my belief in the bible all over again"

we're not getting any younger

2006-04-11T21:08:00.000+08:00

baaah im 18 already, coming to 19. i dont see why but 19 looks like a much much bigger number than 18. hahaha i mean like, compared to 13 and 14 :p
if i dont start talking to strangers soon, im gonna become old and scary.

sigh. "why are ye fearful, o ye of little faith"

being tired makes me depressed. plenty sad.

a coming revival

2006-04-05T22:07:00.000+08:00

on the mrt, i notice that there is not a single carriage without a person reading the bible or a christian book. do you notice that? i think its wonderful! that God is sending a revival through this nation!

are you part of that revival? yes you are, but the question we must ask ourselves is, 'do we want to be part of that revival?' any logical God-loving person would say yes of course, but somehow deep inside we always have this fear of commitment, restriction.

we all have things that take alot more effort to let go of, but we know that we must let go of it if we truly want to follow wholly after Christ. are we prepared to surrender to God what we've held so dearly as our accomplishment? it is after all his, and he's the one with all the stuff to give anyway. let go, God will give you much more than you would ever imagine; dont worry about that. we just need Christ in our hearts.

what you really ask for

2006-03-19T18:23:00.000+08:00

a few months ago i met this guy ben while browsing in borders, and we started talking and he shared about how he would get really bored if he didnt read his bible. like wow man! so when i went home i prayed about it and i wanted it too! but since then it has been a faded prayer, until a few days ago when i started really reading God's word, and if i didnt i would be bored stiff!

and thats a good thing, but im in the 'transistion' stage, where right now im still dwelling in the realms of the earthly. for example i would be really bored and i used to play games when i was bored but when i play games now its just so dreary. but on the other hand im still kind of unable to focus when reading God's word so i declare that i'm in the transistion from worldly to Christ-seeking.

woot :)

what you really live for

2006-03-18T22:58:00.000+08:00

the past few days ive not had one where i wasnt moved to tears. everytime im listening to an mp3 sermon or hearing a testimony sometimes i just get this welling in my eyes and like im in the middle of the MRT. :O
i might be getting emo. but really this i do feel, so much love from God, i really feel in touch with God now <3 i can clutch my heart and know that Jesus is beating in there; all im living for.

this is me. now and forever more; with Christ.

commitment

2006-03-15T13:06:00.000+08:00

is this generation shy, proud or are we afraid to be held accountable to what we committed to do? is it sufficient to commit to something in your heart but not stand when the pastor asks for a standing response? after all, God does look at the heart and not outwardly shows.

no, its not sufficient. being 'shy' is being afraid of being held to your commitments; standing up is so that people recognise your commitment and are free to ask you about it. it doesnt matter that the pastor says 'while all eyes are closed and all heads bowed', people around you know when you stand up, they have ears to hear shuffling and they have skin to feel when you stand up.

you should be proud to make a commitment to the Lord; you are guilty and should be ashamed of it, but you should be proud to say that YOUR GOD is powerful enough to change you. and it's your responsibility to claim the promises in the bible and say that 'God i stand on your promises and stand up today and respond to this altar call because i KNOW that you keep your word and i KNOW you'll change me the moment i stand up'

when we make commitments, let's not keep to ourselves, but share with others and have them hold us accountable to it. we need all the prayer and support we can get! thats what the church is for. dont commit to standards you can accomplish on your own but commit to standards that you can only accomplish with God's help. think like the saved, like the triumphant!

are you ready to boldly jump up and respond for your next altar call?

destination?

2006-03-01T21:39:00.000+08:00

i think unhappiness comes the most from going where i did not put as my destination.
lets take for example, housework. if you take it as 'something that needs to be done', so that you can get on with what you're supposed to do, then you obviously wont like it. one of the things i have to learn is to enjoy the journey, enjoy washing the dishes, take my time and not get stressed because theres sooooo much to do and i need to get to it pronto!
rahr, do you like your path now?

2006-02-28T17:55:00.000+08:00

your spiritual giftings and talents are on par with your wanting to know Christ more.

Matthew 7

2006-02-10T00:21:00.000+08:00

do not judge, or you too will be judged.
we arent perfect! the blood of Christ has made us righteous, but we still can sin, and we have sinned. it's always in us to want to tell others off, but we must do so in love, or we will become hypocrites! why hypocrite? because very often the mistakes we spot in others are because we have them ourselves. its magnified so much because we know whats in us and we tend to 'look out for it', whether subconsciously to make our own faults seem normal.
judge yourself first, and you will find that you are guilty of the same thing, maybe not exactly the same situation, but just change the objects, change the setting and voila, there you are in exactly the same sin. God will be the judge, so let's leave Him to that. but that doesnt mean neglect the sinner, please help him to stop sinning! especially since now you've found common ground and can relate to him :P

Matthew 6

2006-02-10T00:07:00.000+08:00

wow, the next few weeks are going to be stressful for me, exams are round the bend.
the crux of matthew 6 is doing things not for the praise of men, but for God's reward. our motives for doing the things that we do 'for God's glory' must be pure intentioned; and we must especially look out and avoid falling prey to these things. satan will always edge us into getting approval from men, even if we start out without selfish motives. especially since it's one of the most visible forms of things 'working out'.

for me, especially when i lead worship (and during the preparation), i often think of the end result where people come up to me and tell me what a great worship session it was and how i managed to lead the people so well. its good to know that you're annointed by God, but being praised by people was never meant to be your motivating factor.

keeping that in mind, its inevitable that people will praise you, its a good thing to be praised and appreciated! dont reject love yeah, but all praise and glory must be ascribed to God. notice how when Jesus healed people, how they walked away praising God! Matthew 5:16 "... let your light shine before men, that they may see your good deeds and praise your Father in heaven." Jesus did a great job with that.

its all about keeping a really great balance between doing things in the secret, for God's glory and shining for all the world to see, for God's glory.

what's your thrust? not just in God's work, but in school, at work and at home.

Matthew 5

2006-02-08T00:23:00.000+08:00

when Jesus was being tempted, satan even used scripture against Him to try and convince Jesus to sin! the bible does speak the truth, and we should follow it but we must be careful not to take verses out of context. when confronted with a verse that seems to be taken out of point or context, be sure to verify by reading the context of the verse. Jesus knew the bible, and saw the higher meaning; that is not to test God.

God is faithful to His word!

2006-02-06T21:41:00.000+08:00

GOOD GOD, REALLY! I LOVE GOD!
campus ITP was really a test of my faith, and it definately proves that God is faithful to His word, even when circumstances are against you!

story from the beginning:
we took a long time deliberating about whether we should take up ITP(industrial attachment) in our campus, participating in a pro-engineer 3d model design competition. i was initially not so keen, but later became very leaned toward doing it. i wanted to do it, but i had to seek God first (always seek God first, if you realise this is what made it happen). so i told my classmates that i'll pray about it and let them know on friday.
i asked for 2 signs, one was our lecturer mr david phua would be strongly against doing outside ITP, and encourage us to do the pro-e ITP. i got that sign, he checked out the available spaces in the aero industry and there were only 19 spaces available (which meant that we would be doing other kinds of ITP, eg business)
i asked for another sign because i felt that it was in mr david phua's character to be like that, so the other sign i asked for was my dad to say the words "go for it", and when i talked to him about the pro-e ITP, he said it! and i laughed out loud and explained everything to him.
so i praised God and was very happy that God approved it. on top of that while i was in prayer, God also showed me that ricky's ITP application for the youth flying club would also be rejected (but i didnt/havent told him), but i did tell boon tah about both issues [in order that he might learn that Jesus is the real religion].

so the next day (friday), we sent in our applications to our lecturer for the pro-e module. the deadline was long over but he thought he could squeeze us in, so he sent it to the organiser, Peter Lo. we were rejected and got quite upset about it, especially me because i forced boontah into it by writing his name there (he took too long to decide and i was so affirmed about it). boontah was especially upset because he had set his mind to wanting it.
we decided that we would see Peter Lo on monday, to see if we can worm our way into it.

monday, went to see peter lo, he downright rejected us; it wasnt even a 'i'll see what i can do', it was a 'i already sent the email and its too much bother for me to send another'. upset, we went back to class and i was crappified because i had prayed about it, and was really really affirmed about it. in my heart i went "well God, i wanted this ITP, i prayed about it, i heard from You and i even told my friends about it; now that You've allowed it to be rejected, You're more on the losing end because i only told boontah all that i did as a witness for You. and if You wouldnt approve it then its not a very good witness"

depressed but i really wanted to stand on God's promise, so i typed an email to the director of my school- my last resort. sent it and saw david phua on the way to lunch, told him what had happened and he changed his stance already, that the pro-e competition was useless and its very unlikely that the email would work because the head of this project is peter lo and even as a superior, the director cant do much. and i was very let down by that.

immense spiritual attack i tell you. later desmond called and told me the director had approved it. like.. WOOHOO!! the director approved it! and im really hyper now hahah. MY FRIENDS, the lesson is, if God says something, He will do it! and if God says He will do it, don't take anything other than what He said! go out ALL the way to the ends of the earth (non-literally, to the maximum you can do) do accomplish what He has promised.

God is faithful! and boon tah if you're reading this, you have witnessed first-hand the work of God :)

matthew 1,2,3

2006-02-06T21:36:00.000+08:00

my youth is doing a study of matthew for the next 28 days, and i thought i would write some stuff along the way, for my DP members as well as other ymers (and for wandering visitors) we're reading one chapter a day, so i will try to be as on-schedule as possible :) [today's the 3rd chapter already haha blogger was down]

Matthew 1
now the genealogy in matthew follows Josephs's line, while the one in luke follows Mary's. it's interesting if you take time to study the genealogy of Jesus, because there are many people in there who are famous, for good and for bad things. in Joseph's genealogy, it's interesting to note that Jehoiakim was actually cursed, that none of his descendents would sit on the throne of David (Jeremiah 36:29-31). well that would invalidate Jesus being the King- if Joseph was the father. but Jesus was conceived by the Holy Spirit thus, Jesus is still King.

imagine yourself in Joseph's shoes, he faced alot of tough circumstances and still did the right thing. imagine: the person i'm pledged to be married to is pregnant, and I didnt do it so that means she cheated on me. and she's telling me that she's carrying God's child and that she's still a virgin! that would be quite hard to believe, but even to someone who seems to be a lying adulter, Joseph was still so gracious! he could have gotten her stoned for that! but an angel of God appeared to Him and showed him the way he was to take. we all need to learn graciousness, especially to the undeserving and those who hate us.

Matthew 2
let's learn from the Magi. they searched for God, and brought gifts and offerings to Him; nowadays we expect God to find us, to come and meet us and give US stuff! we are the ones that are to bring to God, not the other way around. it is true that God will bless us, but to receive in return should not be our motive in giving.

and having being warned, the Magi returned by another route. and they were obedient to it, likewise we should be too. sometimes choosing to follow God would mean we have to take a totally different path from what we expect and we should be willing and obedient to that calling. because God knows what's best for us!

Matthew 3
preparing the way for others, verse 3. even though Christ came already, this verse is still applicable to us; we can prepare the way for our friends to receive Christ.

we can do that by telling them about the gospel: how they need Christ because we are all sinners, and only Christ can cleanse us of our sins because He lived a sinless life and sacrificed Himself and took our sins with Him.
we can prepare the way for our friends by living in a manner worthy of the gospel of Christ: that is, to live in love; to be at our best conduct all the time, to put the interests of others before us, and to always do things for the glory of God and not ourselves.
we can prepare the way for those around us by telling them how being a Christian changes everything: that there's meaning in living as a christian, because we are God's Children and have a purpose in life on earth, to live for God. (sounds boring but it really isnt!)

we can make straight paths for Him by helping our friends understand Christianity better, by correcting misconceptions that our friends may have- such as all religions can co-exist.
we can make straight paths for God by living right and not being a stumbling block to them. a christian who smokes, a christian who is addicted to drugs, pornography or women is a stumbling block because the bible teaches against these things.

prepare the way for your friends :)

persecuted for righteousness

2006-01-25T00:36:00.000+08:00

is satan omnipresent?

2006-01-23T23:10:00.000+08:00

God is omnipresent, he knows all about us, and hangs all around us and in us. so is satan omnipresent? he does seem to be everywhere tempting us all the time.
no, he's not. but he does know what goes on around the world and in you. that is because he has his minions. think of it like an army, if i were a country and i sent my troops to invade another country, then the news headlines would be something like Jawn invades ________. technically i wasnt there, but im giving orders to my little fellers and they're telling me everything thats happening on the other side.

thats as good as being omnipresent right? i mean after all he is still able to tempt and poke fun at us.
but nah, with the Holy Spirit, we can renounce satan and tell him to 'get thee behind me!'; James 4:7 tells us "...Resist the devil, and he will flee from you."
WE ARE THE CHAMPIONS MY FRIEND. and we are more than conquerors! Romans 8:37 says "we are more than conquerors through him who loved us." so put on your armour of God and fight!

of imagery and revelation

2006-01-11T00:29:00.000+08:00

if the bible was written as a hoax, by a man, or a group of any size, they'd be genius. they would take shakespeare and make him look like a techno song lyric writer.

Numbers 21:4-9; for muslims/jews, this is also in the Torah (ba-midbar), it reads:
21:4 They traveled from Mount Hor along the route to the Red Sea, to go around Edom. But the people grew impatient on the way; 5 they spoke against God and against Moses, and said, "Why have you brought us up out of Egypt to die in the desert? There is no bread! There is no water! And we detest this miserable food!"
6 Then the LORD sent venomous snakes among them; they bit the people and many Israelites died. 7 The people came to Moses and said, "We sinned when we spoke against the LORD and against you. Pray that the LORD will take the snakes away from us." So Moses prayed for the people.
8 The LORD said to Moses, "Make a snake and put it up on a pole; anyone who is bitten can look at it and live." 9 So Moses made a bronze snake and put it up on a pole. Then when anyone was bitten by a snake and looked at the bronze snake, he lived.

this also happens to be an imagery of Christ: the world is plagued by sin, and we will die from it if we do not repent. and it would be this same sinfulness that drives us to hell, and that causes us to put Jesus up on that cross and to kill an innocent man. and despite our defiance, the merciful God gave a way out, His own Son, nailed to a cross. so that anyone who looked to Him would find eternal salvation. and not just salvation, but blessings and prosperity. how cool is that!

another instance is the Feast of Unleavened Bread. by rabbinic decree, matzah (the bread eaten during the feast of unleavened bread) must be striped, pierced, and burned (to look bruised). strangely this is the same picture of Jesus, Isaiah 53:5 "But he was wounded for our transgressions, he was bruised for our iniquities: the chastisement of our peace was upon him; and with his stripes we are healed."

really, very, awesome.

the charismatic movement

2006-01-04T00:34:00.000+08:00

honestly i don't see whats the big deal about the charismatic movement. theologically, they arent "wrong" because the very thing that conservative theologians say is biblically wrong is a grey area of the bible! (the only thing i disagree about is the public speaking of tongues) in fact i can't really support either side because they both have really good arguments. very dumb arguments- with the amount of time they spend trying to find out who's right, they could've reached out to many.

which is precisely what the charismatics and pentecostals are doing! they've started to ignore the theologians (who, in having studied the bible so much, have forgotten that the bible teaches unity, overlooking non-essentials, and humility) who make it a point to shoot down the biggest and fastest growing outreach group. i dare say that i would use "get thee behind me, satan" even to a fellow brother who has succumbed to pride, and just a need to be 'right'.

i just learnt that adrian (a classmate of mine) converted some time back [which brings the number of christians in my class to 4] in one of city harvest's cell groups. initially he was scared off by the tongues (i would be too, which is why i disagree with tongues), but recently he started going again, and he converted. knowing him personally, i feel that he's not one of the people that would convert on the first few times; he'd probably just go to learn a bit more about christianity and maybe for the sake of shutting his friend up.

but, for some reason, the Holy Spirit works mightily in churches like city harvest and newcreations. i believe, its how everybody is empowered by the Holy Spirit. now God alone can move a person to accepting Christ. not knowing the 4 spiritual laws by heart, not being full of apologetics, not forcing christianity down someone's throat. it might help, but it sure wont get you straight there.

as a sidenote, i would say that i prefer listening to charismatic preachers sometimes than my own pastor. but my question is, what can i do to be this filled with the Spirit, that i can reach out to others this effectively?

convicted to know His Word

2006-01-02T22:37:00.000+08:00

Paul spoke to the people and, because he intended to leave the next day, kept on talking until midnight. -Acts 20:7
i assume that Paul was teaching, because if you read in contacts this kid fell asleep listening to him. (and people dont talk on and on if they're having a conversation. people talk on and on if they're preaching or praying)
so what, when paul decides to talk longer he can? i mean like people usually take a few days to write an hours sermon man, so i assume he can keep teaching at will. and how does he do that? man, i want to have Word knowledge like paul. paul wasnt even one of the people that hung around Christ everyday and yet he knew God so much!
gah. im gonna read read read my bible so i can know God so well that i can go on and on about Him. woot.

Acts 21:20-26 talks about how paul went and got himself 'purified' following jewish customs, even though earlier on they decided that circumcision was unnecessary. paul here made it a point not to make a big hooha about the non-essential things, and that's really admirable because everyone nowadays seem to be focusing on finding the 'right' doctrine instead of the more important things. so. peace brothers, im hungry.

are we headed the right way?

2005-12-30T18:15:00.000+08:00

that's gotta be one of the most popular questions in my life. and most of the time its not biblically covered per se, because both choices seem 'right'. but generally theres an inclination to a certain path, but like darn its always the harder road. so we procrastinate about it; am i sure? do i really have to go this way? its always at the decision making point where i hang around.

so i make the decision, and sometimes i look back- 'am i headed the right way?'. usually i'd say yes if theres a sense of peace in me in making a decision. for some reason people always seem to think 'well i keep getting all this spiritual attacks when i chose this route, so i must've gone the wrong way'. i beg to differ! everytime you make a decision that God wants you to, i would think that it would guarantee you the big boss slamming his fist on the table (if they have tables of fire) going 'i want this man distracted from what he does at ALL COSTS'.

so there. and the very day you accepted Christ was the day you jumped onto satan's most wanted list (which happens to be more than 1.5 billion people now). thats when the spiritual battle started, when you were born again. that was when you had the faith of a child, following God everywhere he led you because you only knew Him. then slowly but surely satan started drawing you away from God, old habits and all.

and yes sometimes it seems overwhelming, but naw, you can resist the devil. James 4:7 "Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you." easier said than done? maybe not, easier doubting than believing more like. Jesus died for us so we could destroy the works of the devil, and we have the Holy Spirit to help us with that; dont overcome sin with our own willpower, but with God's grace and the power of the Holy Spirit. Romans 12:21 reads "Do not be overcome by evil, but overcome evil with good."

so then, dont close this window without saying a prayer.

religious tolerance

2005-12-28T14:56:00.000+08:00

has society grown to be more open to religion and be more tolerable to each other? yes we have; except for Christianity. we have always been the 'ideal' role model players and because of that we decide ourselves that we should be the ones showing 'love' and religious tolerance. in the process of being 'religiously tolerant' we have simply allowed others to step all over what is true to us.

yes, we have backed ourselves into a corner and kept within our own community, preaching to everyone who comes within our safety limits (which happens to be the church. only.) we don't dare to take religion out into the streets and witness for Christ, even to our friends, all we do is ask them to come to church; do we tell them about Christ, about why they are doomed to hell? only breifly. an invitation to church is not a call to salvation, its not considered as hearing the gospel.

we cannot just stand in our own squares anymore, we cannot play defensive, we have to move our pieces and invade for Christ. we cannot stay lukewarm to the fact that all our friends are going to perish in hell for thinking that they are 'following the truth'. i'm not promoting hatred for other religions, i'm simply saying that people get misguided and they need to know God for who he really is.

the truth has to be told, 'love' is not religious tolerance. love is telling your misguided friend the truth that is real to you- that Jesus Christ is the only way to heaven; like it or not. people hate christianity because christianity believes that anyone who doesnt believe in Christ will go straight to hell, dont pass go, no 200 dollars.

im sorry if you're a non christian reading this, but this is the truth; your believing that the sun would shine everyday for all eternity does not affect the truth that it will eventually collapse; your inability to see the waterfall beyond the horizon doesnt mean that hell doesnt exist.
if you are a non christian, i urge you to think where you are right now, and consider what happens after you die. there IS an afterlife, everything around us proves it.

for the Christian, its time to get off your bum, and not be a lukewarm servant of God. its time for all of us to march as one army; because Christ is coming back and satan will do all he can to pick us off; and he goes for the lone ranger. so walk together as one.

cure for cancer

2005-12-26T11:36:00.000+08:00

when i was in ycom camp, my mom went into hospital, suspected gall stones. did a checkup, found gall bladder inflamed. pended treatment for a couple of days. CT scan revealed dark shadows in several places, including the lymph nodes; suspected cancer (probability very high). apparently when cancer reaches the lymph nodes it can spread to anywhere in the body.

joy to the world :)

when ps philip was sending around the sms asking people to pray for his baby's birth (because they didnt want to do a caesarian), sinyi got the sms and showed me, and i went like 'oh the baby'll be fine' and i said it with like teh peace of God, and true enough the baby was fine.
so i was trying to force this 'feeling of peace' when we were praying for my mom when she had back problems, and try as i might i couldnt force it. haha. then when my dad told me that she had cancer i suddenly got that peace, because i know God's going to work thru this.

mom came home on christmas eve, and i was thinking 'maybe healing is God's gift to mummy on christmas'. yeah, i woke up this morning cos i had a dream that my dad burst into the room going "MUMMY'S COMPLETELY HEALED!" and i looked around and asked God like "is it true?"

we'll find out on tuesday :) and qudle is closing today.

seven days.

2005-12-13T22:52:00.000+08:00

a miracle will happen within seven days. just wait and see.

are you mad?

2005-11-30T19:51:00.000+08:00

you can act wild, act crazy and not mind being called crazy because you know you arent and you know that they dont really mean that you're mad. but what if you believe in something that other people would call mad?

i believe in a god, i believe in the ONLY true God. and people find it harder to evangelise to the people you know, the people you come into contact with everyday. why? fear of rejection? of course, but its deeper. you'll be labelled crazy if you do. like really. you can relate to that, but dont you see? thats what God put you there for, to tell people about Jesus Christ, and to prove your love for the ancient of days.

"i'll do everything for you, i'll dance on rooftops to express my love for you, but err just dont ask me to tell my friends about you because then i'll lose them all"
ha, im a hypocrite. I WILL BE LABELLED CRAZY, NAIVE AND STUPID FOR MY GOD

late

2005-11-23T01:29:00.000+08:00

late man, i just got back home :S watched harry potter with mark and i realise i dont like shows with open endings. makes me want to read the book and not want to read the book.. you know? hahaha, anyway we were eating satay at lau pasat at 0030 and the mutton is GOOOOOD.
tired. zzz. driving btt on friday!

humility

2005-11-22T00:43:00.000+08:00

i was wondering if we were supposed to also love the arrogant, because of late i have been shunning someone who really has his head so big he probably has to roll around (which is why he seldom comes to school)
i was praying about it because the Bible says that Christ came to lift up the humble, and i was wondering if there was a point trying to save the arrogant because they probably wont listen, neither would they admit their wrong.
1) only God can judge, and say who is arrogant enough to reject the gospel
2) Christ will only come when everyone has heard the gospel.
so there, love your neighbour as yourself.

i realise that i lack a friend, like i've been focusing too much on too many people that i fell behind and now i realise i dont have any close friends, who i can just spend time with slacking. everytime i talk to people there's always an agenda, always a goal to work toward but i've forgotten how to small talk, how to have a friend.
be mine?

take this life

2005-11-20T22:06:00.000+08:00

As I'm standing here, staring into the mirror
See the figure of a man trying to take a stand
And live for something more
Integrity is what I need and honor to my soul I feed
To give it up, pack it in, getting rid of all my sin that's weighing me down
Won't You come and fill
I want You to come and make me more real
Take this life, won't You change this life
Come and make me whole
Won't You take this life, won't You change this life
Come and make me whole
In my pursuit of what is real
My heart is longing with a need to feel my soul come alive
I trudge and I step through the height and the death
Of a long narrow as I'm growing old
And soon I will be home

learning sign language?

2005-10-30T00:53:00.000+08:00

I don't have a beef with the deaf, but it's hard to learn with a person standing 3 feet from you and looking like she's having a sock-puppet fight with herself.

haha so Donald Rumsfeld is giving the president his daily briefing. He says: "Yesterday, 3 Brazilian soldiers were killed in an accident"
"OH DEAR GOD NO!!!" George W. Bush exclaims. "That's terrible!!" His staff sits stunned at this display of emotion, nervously watching as the president sits, head in hands. Finally, the President, devastated, looks up and asks... "How many is a Brazillion??!"

megaworship

2005-10-29T20:26:00.000+08:00

megaworship went great, according to some people. and some say they were tired :P first time we made the 2 hour mark, good stuff. special love to my team, fanching alvin yihui weiqi shirlynn enlin shawn jiayen and God. :D
i really leaned alot on God this time, because alot of things didnt happen until the last minute. i drew my strength from Him too, i was pretty energetic during the megaworship, but now, im drained TOTALLY.
poo.

Just yesterday morning they let me know you were gone

2005-10-27T21:20:00.000+08:00

I’ve seen fire and I’ve seen rain
I’ve seen sunny days that I thought would never end
I’ve seen lonely times when I could not find a friend
But I always thought that I’d see you again

Won’t you look down upon me, jesus
You’ve got to help me make a stand
You’ve just got to see me through another day

shoulder talk

2005-10-24T21:45:00.000+08:00

haha i just coined a new word.
shoulder talk.
picture a conversation where 2 people are sitting on a curb or something shoulder to shoulder, talking to each other.
you get the idea.

cool

2005-10-19T16:20:00.000+08:00

i feel so lost, so confused.
"who isnt?"

waning

2005-10-18T09:15:00.000+08:00

when you put your trust in someone, you'd always hope that they would do the same too.
it was great, a wonderful friendship; we were both happy. then for some reason it all just ceased one day and never picked back up. its you you you, ive always been there, ive always messaged you to remind you that i was. but you hardly reply, even when i saw you were down i asked, but you brushed me aside, saying you were over whatever was bothering you but obviously not.
i tried to believe it was the exams, i still would want to but i know its otherwise. and just where is God in all this? ive been asking what to do, keep letting you know that im there or just totally ignore.

either way, you'd never notice. you used to, but i guess now im just a prop, someone you once knew but ah who cares about him now eh. i guess ill never fully let go because i always want to be here for you. you've always known that, but never realised how much it means to me that i care.

haha. bye.

1011

2005-10-11T00:33:00.000+08:00

thank you for staying up to wish me:
sandy, sheryl, samsim, joyce, yunqi, edmund, crystal, joan, janice chong, marian, melissa jiang, tina, leanne.

i sent 20+ smses in half an hour, powerful.

those who wished me in the morning and day:
sinyi, xinyi, macdonalds, alvinchew, jill toh, darryl, shermeen shawn len shirlynn, hui xian and markloy.

hahahhaa mark. still using the prepaid card to call people huh! hahaha :D thanks loads dude (i still want your camera when you come back ok :D) and wow macdonalds? haha but thats retarded anyway i cant even remember my pin for my macdonalds thing.

and i now understand why girls like advertising their bday, attention! hahaha. but yes people, please do not buy me gifts. :D and thats not reverse psychology.

(yet somehow i wish she forgot)

camp

2005-10-09T21:27:00.000+08:00

camp was great, very prayerful camp. met alot of new people too, cool people haha.
borrowed some books from the library today, two of them are -gasp- sign language books. hahaha, i probably wont read finish as usual :x

3 posts rolled into one

2005-10-03T22:31:00.000+08:00

i wrote alot on paper over the past few days, never got down to blogging it. sorry my fans :P

one of the nights i was feeling moody and all, and these words just came into my head and lifted a load off me :) "its very tempting to think that there's no one who cares just because nobody manages to show care the way you'd like them to." yes! and i thought about it and i realised that there is is is alot of people that care :D

i was cleaning up my qudle email and came across this mail, whose identity is secretttttt but you know who you are! (though i think you dont read this blog)
"I love you, Jawn.
I mean that whole-heartedly. Things may be really muddled up for me now, but I know I love you so much as a person, as a brother, as a friend.

I'm sorry for all the times I've let you down."

-warm fuzzy feeling- haha.

and today, these 3 sentences came into my mind:
even though i cant see him, i know Christ is always behind me
ive added new meaning to the word crosshair
they say your hairstyle defines your character; i've defined mine

HEHEHEHE thanks to daddy who did this! :):):)

i will be at camp till saturday :)

presentiment

2005-09-24T21:21:00.000+08:00

is it better not to see the fruits of your labour?
that way you wont get your ego stuck in your head?

but then, it isnt easy to let go and trust God, that you have done your part and leave Him to touch the person. its not easy, cos you care enough to talk to that person on the street, you care enough to share your heart with a friend.

poo.

what the jawn!

2005-09-24T12:14:00.000+08:00

from urbandictionary.com,
jawn: a word used to describe anything
"yo man this jawns hot as hell yo"
"what the jawn!" (cant find it anymore :( but my classmates can testify that it was there)

i moved to blogspot because my .com is closing down, goodbye qudle.com ! not enough money to maintain it, especially since im not using it for anything. so now, whatthejawn.blogspot.com it is :)