wait upon the Lord

jaeson ma, in one of his sermons, talks about isaiah 40:31, "But they that wait upon the LORD shall renew their strength"

and from this he derived his 2 hourly prayer/waiting thing, to sensitize himself to God's Spirit before he begins his day. i've been trying this yet i keep falling asleep while waiting haha. but one thing has become apparent, i'm more willing to do my QT, since i decided that it's ok even if i fall asleep while 'waiting'.

and i guess through this, my walk with God has grown closer. and i've been becoming more and more convicted that overcoming sin is not by my own effort, but by God's grace. it's always been head knowledge, but now its heart knowledge too. when i walk close to God, i realise the temptation doesnt hold much strength.

its not so much of psychoing yourself that you wont fall into the devil's lies, its not so much of choosing and forcing yourself to walk the narrow path; when i'm in communion with God, i see these things come naturally. its just all about making this my main goal, to have the glory of God shine in me; everything else is a by product, signs and miracles, being a light for others, being empowered, its all the result of a hot walk with God.

and im loving it :D

the talking donkey

numbers 22:21-41 is titled 'Balaam's donkey'. i dont particularly like running references while reading books or blogs unless its very controversial, but here's the biblegateway link to the NIV version, because i KNOW you're gonna click on it.

its about a talking donkey. i heard about this some time ago, and my initial response was disbelief (because im not so well versed in the bible you see) and when i checked it up i was like O_O suddenly the Bible doesnt seem so credible anymore. i mean, the red sea parting i can believe; its been proven by that ridge thing. but err, doctor dolittle?

but in one of my shower revelation moments, i realise there are two reactions to this passage. the first reaction is 'incredible. that just added a new reason for me to doubt the bible' and the other reaction is 'incredible! there really is NOTHING God can't do!'

i'm the second now :)

challenges

last time i used to LOVE challenges, like, bring it on! i can take it with the Spirit! (some of you would testify that i do :P)
but now, i think i've fallen into the world too much. im scared of whats coming.

finding simplicity, finding a relationship

when i first returned to Christ, everything was so simple; it isn't 'the hype of it all', i clearly remember it was 'the truth of it all'. everything could be answered with Jesus. yet as i walked along my vision got tainted, christian politics, conflicting views, answers that can't really be answered. i feel forced to think in big loops now, instead of ideas revolving simply around Jesus.

even the things i used to do with a pure heart, i now have to think twice before i do it, i now have to consider my motives before i do it. i think its the insidious thought that creeps into your head when people ask you 'is it out of lust, pride, selfishness?' more than physicality, i used to regularly listen to alot of preachers (mp3 sermons) yet now i dont because i have this thing inside me that goes 'are you really listening because you want to be changed? or is it because you have pride and you want to just have that competitive knowledge?'

it sucks i tell you, i need an answer; i know the answer, but i just seem to have stopped believing that answer. the answer to all the world's most complex questions is simply Jesus. if God is a loving God, how can God bear so much pain and suffering in the world? the answer is Jesus, He did bear all the pain and suffering in the world. aaaaah but how am i to believe it.

i need to find the relationship again, the hand in hand walk where politics and theological debates cannot touch me. away from legalism and just live like a born-again child, everyday.