finding simplicity, finding a relationship

when i first returned to Christ, everything was so simple; it isn't 'the hype of it all', i clearly remember it was 'the truth of it all'. everything could be answered with Jesus. yet as i walked along my vision got tainted, christian politics, conflicting views, answers that can't really be answered. i feel forced to think in big loops now, instead of ideas revolving simply around Jesus.

even the things i used to do with a pure heart, i now have to think twice before i do it, i now have to consider my motives before i do it. i think its the insidious thought that creeps into your head when people ask you 'is it out of lust, pride, selfishness?' more than physicality, i used to regularly listen to alot of preachers (mp3 sermons) yet now i dont because i have this thing inside me that goes 'are you really listening because you want to be changed? or is it because you have pride and you want to just have that competitive knowledge?'

it sucks i tell you, i need an answer; i know the answer, but i just seem to have stopped believing that answer. the answer to all the world's most complex questions is simply Jesus. if God is a loving God, how can God bear so much pain and suffering in the world? the answer is Jesus, He did bear all the pain and suffering in the world. aaaaah but how am i to believe it.

i need to find the relationship again, the hand in hand walk where politics and theological debates cannot touch me. away from legalism and just live like a born-again child, everyday.